Do You Really Hear What I’m Saying?

What Do You Hear?

Listen closely. What do you hear right now? Maybe it’s the hustle and bustle of people around you, polite conversation in the background, or your kids yelling at each other (which you may have learned to tune out). If you’re alone, perhaps it’s the hum of your computer, the buzz of a light, or the whir of a fan.

But when you block out all those external noises, what do you hear? Often, it’s the little voice inside your head—the inner monologue that helps you plan, solve problems, and think critically. While useful most of the time, this inner voice can be your biggest distraction when you’re trying to truly listen to another person.

Divided Attention

Have you ever had two people talking to you at once—both excited, both eager to be heard—until you finally had to ask them to slow down and take turns? When your inner voice is running while someone is speaking, it creates a similar effect.

The speaker ends up competing with your inner monologue for attention, and their message often gets lost. The result? Misunderstanding, frustration, and ineffective communication.

Your Inner Voice: Friend or Foe?

Many people look for ways to improve their communication skills without realizing that the real key lies in listening effectively. Listening is more than hearing words—it’s understanding what the other person is trying to communicate.

And that can’t happen if you’re distracted by thoughts of what’s for supper, how you’ll respond, or your next rebuttal. The inner voice that helps in other areas of life can become the greatest obstacle to truly connecting with your partner.

Effective Listening

Like many relationship skills, listening is one you can continually improve. A helpful strategy is paraphrasing what you hear. Try saying, “What I hear you saying is…” and then summarize your partner’s words.

This keeps your focus on their message, shows that you’re engaged, and gives them the chance to clarify if you’ve misunderstood. Over time, practicing active listening strengthens your ability to connect, reduces conflict, and builds trust.

Conclusion

Improving your listening skills can transform your communication—and your relationships. The next time you’re in an important conversation, pay attention not just to the words, but to the meaning behind them. Quiet your inner voice and focus fully on the person in front of you.

Because when you truly listen, you don’t just hear—you understand.

Ready to Strengthen Your Connection?

If communication struggles are getting in the way of closeness, couples counselling can help. Visit our Couples Counselling page to learn how we can support you in building healthier, more connected conversations.